New Wine

There is a little bit of an overlap with last week's blog as we are adapting to combining out two imputs when re-creating out journal.

I seemed to remember when I said this, something electric happened with Tomas and me. There was a surge of passion right away. It is so hard to explain, call it women's intuition, I knew, I fell for him at that moment, I loved his spirit. I was attracted and I could see this aroused his curiosity. I felt it in every written response, I loved what I was reading. The Lord shot a shooting star in my lap the first night, a light of hope sparked, and an electrical current turned on and so was I. Was there more? The next morning, I was completely stirred in my spirit, not sure if I had slept at all for I was restless all through the night. I seemed to be in and out of consciousness and feeling very much like the princess and the pea. I gathered my sweater, put on my shoes, leashed my little dog, Slinky and off we went for our walk. My heart felt stretched as if pressed in a grip of needing to know. Somehow as much as I believed in God and love, deep down I was uncertain if there was hope for someone like me. Maybe I was past the point of no return, maybe I had missed the boat, as I am older now, as all the good men are taken and married and at my age the pickings are slim. No matter how I looked at it seemed impossible. So, I did not even waste my time praying and asking, I figured my best position was to just surrender and say, not my will father, but yours be done. Could this be the Lord calling me from the darkness, to take off my grave cloths. “Come out my dear, the time has come, come out of your lonely isolation. There were a few men along the way that tried to win my attention, but no lights, no sparks. I felt numb and indifferent, not the slightest bit of desire. I knew I could not afford to settle for second best, just because of loneliness. I could not, nor would I cross that line or even think of entertaining such a foolish idea. I had been down that road before. There is too much of a price to pay, in the bible it says there is a way that seems right with man, but that way leads to death. The Lord says narrow and difficult is the way to everlasting life and very few find it. It had to be all there or forget it! I have seen too many lonely women in their lives make poor decisions trying to save their lives out of loneliness. Besides, my way never worked. The Lord also says those who seek to save their lives will lose it and those who lose their lives for my sake will find it. I was willing to wait for God's best and do it his way and not my own. I knew, if there was any hope at all, God had a better plan. I had labored in vain so many times, in so many ways. All these false ways had a humbling effect on me. This time round in my life I was ready and willing to truly surrender my will over to the care of the Lord and let God build my house. This is how gracious the Lord was to me. He knew I had surrendered my will to his. But he wanted me to be happy and free, I knew the Lord wanted to give me my heart’s desire. So, he waited until one day I had enough! I came to the end of myself.

From the deepest place of my heart I cried out! It was a desperate cry! It was as if he was waiting for me to finally ask for what I wanted. I opened and started to say in a very real way, God I am lonely, I am tired of living this way. You say in your Word, it is not good for man to be alone. You know Father, a Christian partner would be just the thing! We could accomplish a lot for you, especially if we were equally yoked together. Somehow, I felt this was an answer to my prayers, it did not take long after I said it. I had, what some term, as a “suddenly”, the answer came fast. As if I had finally breathed the perfect prayer and he just could not wait to give it to me. A real light of hope, a star blazing a trail, shooting its wonderful stardust, across the heavens. Like the star’s that I had wished upon so many times before. In silent nights when I stared up at a host of heaven. His infinite power, and spectacular beauty, which he so majestically puts on display in the night sky. The heavens speak for themselves to ever remind us of the greatness of our Creator and the vastness of his infinite love. Something inside me told me this was the answer to my prayer. My heart was awakened, my spirit was stirred, knowing this,I could not help but tossed and turned all night. It was also reassuring to find out Tomas had been through much of the same. Both of us were a bit of a wild wreck, as we rode the high seas of uncertain romance all night. Morning light came gently into my room as it often does, were his mercies new for me this morning? Everything in me was wondering. I needed to know! Was romance on the horizon? Was there a cause to have hope? I was filled with so many questions I needed answers, I really needed to know. As soon as I was outside, I went straight into prayer, desperate and determined. I earnestly pressed in. My prayer probably sounded something like this: God what is going on? Is there something going on here? I really need to know. Is this for real? Is there something in this man I can value as a treasure for me? Lord is this from you? Is this really, really your will for me?

As soon as I had released these prayers to God, my answer came as quick as lightning, within my next breath it seemed, and within a heartbeat, I looked up and immediately, the answer was there shining so brightly for me to see.

Precisely to where my eyes were fixed, a large airplane was lit up, shining brightly, reflecting the morning sunlight. It had long trailing streams of white exhaust. Immediately I recognized the connection to Tomas’ painting. There it was a cross with trailing rays of light. I had just recently joined a Christian prophetic art group on Facebook and was enjoying looking at other artists’ works. I had spent the last year doing everything to move more into my gifting. So, I was enjoying making comments on other people's works. This is exactly how my connection with Tomas got started.

Now to my amazement this is how God chose to answer my prayer like a blinding flash of light I never dreamed I could have a prayer answered that quick! Like a beacon, an illuminated sign, and a wonder. In the full light of day Confirmation came from the Lord immediately; it was like he did not even waste a moment in answering my prayer. I have heard of the effectual fervent prayer avails much, this was mind blowing, beyond my wildest dreams, God was affirming his answer to my prayer in such a way that it left no room for doubt. He copied his painting. How exquisitely perfect did his creative answer come. Which lit up, so boldly! My heart was illuminated as I gaze with amazement at this wonder. My answer shone from heaven, a clear connection to Tomas’ painting was made. The one I had commented on. He liked my comment. This painting is the open door, through this cross a guiding light was our connection that God used to capture our wounded hearts. How brilliant, so bright his light now shines illuminating our darkness, how wonderful. I felt comforted and assured, there was no cause to stumble or fall. A path was now lit for us both to see. A charted course that was created in the heavens, written in the stars for us, God's signature rested across the heavenly blue. Expanding across two countries. Capturing and restoring two people, who were weakened and bruised in spirit. We were growing weary; our lamps were growing dim. A place, sadly, where many have learned to hide. A potentially dangerous place. We cried out to God and we were both ready and were willing to be changed for his purposes. Though his arm was not short. He wanted to save us not take us. Though our lamps had grown dim, he would not extinguish. Our love story was written in the stars for such a time as this. Not just for each other, but for all the world to see.

How come you are up so late with me and not snuggled up with a wife but are texting me? I had a feeling you might be single. Well so am I. I am in my mid-fifties. Though rather good looking. And proud of it because I truly take good care of myself. I have so far, never been blessed to find mister right. I have been single for 7 years. I have been going to church and have been a devoted follower of Christ 18 years.

How about you, how old are you? At this point, I felt compelled to mention to Suzanne that I was investigating a developing relationship and that I wanted to avoid any hurt feelings. Suzanne suggested a call and did not respond to my cautionary text. The call, approximately lasted two hours and was followed by texts highlighting more of her and my artistic endeavors. All I know is this, I was opening and feeling vulnerable. I was also so full of questions inside. Like wondering how I presented myself. Was I a little too much like Bambi on ice doubting my wildish personality? Nervous and not as confident as I would like to be, regardless of how I felt, I appeared to myself awkwardly shy. Just like the many times you have caught me, blushing, and sometimes I still do. It amazes me how you are always so attentive to pick up on every little detail. I absolutely love that about you how you pay attention to details.

I remember how jolted I was when I hung up. The difference between these two women and the depth of the conversation left me very uneasy. It was like night and day, I needed

to pray! How cute! I felt the Lord say, “it’s your choice, the one you choose or the one I presented”?

I waited a couple of more days and exchanged a few more texts, but I knew I needed to disengage from my Latina friend…there really was no comparison. More happened to me in one phone call than any cyber-dates or texts thus far, So I decided to cast my net in Suzanne’s direction, at this point I need to change the course of my direction, as the focus was all the more clear, there was enough light on my path that I knew I needed to discontinue my other developing relationship so I can be more attentive to the mystery that's happening here...not sure, but trusting a work of God has been initiated.

I am so delighted to hear this wonderful news. I just know this is the Lord's doing. I must confess my heart is being stirred also. I must surrender to the process and trust the master's hand and his perfect work. Yes, most definitely, a work is well underway, wishing you a beautiful happy productive day!

My heart is stirred as well. You are quite incredible, just saying...talk later tonight Oh yes, this is great. I am hoping that you come to realize that you have made the best decision in your life! God has been preparing me for a long time. I have waited at his feet. I was determined to wait for his best and not settle because of loneliness. Deep down I always believed he had a perfect plan. Something so good. The Lord has certainly swept me off my feet. So grateful, you feel it too, there is a powerful force going on. This was the beginning of Riptide, just like a mighty rushing wind. Something bigger than we both ever imagined was going on we were both caught unaware. Suddenly sensing love. Almost scary, at one time where we both felt tempted to run in the opposite direction and keep on running. A love so right, so strong, after much loss and neglect - it was overwhelming. I have heard about it in the movies but never had I ever come to know it, until now for the first time in my life I am suffering from love sickness. I could not eat or sleep. This is from being in an over-excited state of being immersed having fallen so quickly, wrecked in the abundant measure of God's rich supply of abundant love. He has lavished us, my darling abundantly so. Our best years are ahead of us. In the Lord, we are destined to be incredibly happy. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, he has caused my heart to have hope.